The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But The Truth, Sometimes
I know the harsh sting of betrayal… from my first boyfriend at 14 spinning the bottle with another, to the man I considered the love of my life blindsiding me with the secrets of his nature.
But this is not going to be about those moments when I was blindsided… It’s going to be about the very fact I was blindsided, at all.
This is about our culture.
Why is it that such truth-punching moments seem to spring up like crocodiles on sticks throughout the year to bite at our ankles, even when we’re thousands of miles from swampland? It had me reflect on our court system, and in particular, our instituting “sworn testimony”.
Is it possible that we’re set up to be subconsciously onboard with the notion that only with some formalized ritual around committing to telling the truth, we can trust that one is?
We swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth before we open our mouths in court, but what about in our daily lives?
I see a lot of marrying of the shades of grey, and the enabling of everyone around us to do the same. And this communal marriage has made so many dishonest husbands and wives out of its boring shades that it’s even lost its own face. And it’s made a populous more likely to not say, what it has to say.
And when a culture loses its voice, it lays itself down in surrender to the avalanche of others’ advantage.
It also becomes, secret-keeping.
I believe this is particularly strong in white culture. We’re trained to keep secrets… not only ours, but those of our peers. And this is why betrayal is the forever bread baking in our oven, and getting blindsided is but a normal occurrence.
The very nature of secrets is to explode like mean corn flakes all over the environment at the time of their choosing, and outside of our control.
To quote the exotic dancer on an episode of The Office, “Secrets secrets are no fun. Secrets secrets hurt someone.”
So how many of us have had loved ones feel the need to “get things off their chest” just before passing, because some concealed fragment just had to find its moment, even in those final breaths, only to create an emotional wasteland for the living to have to then wade through alone?
How many of us have had friends cheat on their spouses, where we’re expected to blindly support our friends’ choices and even entertain their affair persons at gatherings? And how many of us have felt the pain of having a whole friend circle suddenly on board with entertaining the affair person of our own partner?
It isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s the way we’ve been trained. It’s easier to conceal and protect. There is no space for ridicule in keeping your mouth closed.
And there is also no space for flight, when you choose to live a life committed to not ruffling any feathers.
Does it have to take laying our hand down on a book and raising the other hand every time we speak to our significant other or our sister or our colleague… in order to be a truthsaying culture?
It would be great for publishers, but awkward for dinner parties everywhere.
As a member of this society, and a white one at that, I have hurt others many times because of my learned habit of concealment. And I’ve also choked on the experience of betrayal many times, simultaneously… One is the cookie, and the other is the milk, you see.
I guess it’s time to stop setting up such consequential desserts.
I always did prefer the savory things, anyway.
💜
